The Eighth Plain Chapter 10, A new view Desolate halls extended before us as we pushed open the front doors of Rokunai High School. Ayato threw himself into the darkness, frantically searching for the creature that had disappeared within its reaches. I on the other-hand stood back and took a well deserved breath. Even though Ayato was the one to do all the running, I felt the sting of his exhaustion all the same. Slowly I dragged my feet across the polished floor of the school. The halls seemed a lot more peaceful when it lacked the incessant racket of simple-minded adolescant conversation. I know it was a bit harsh, but lately the students of this high school seemed to be expelling me from their society more and more--they deserved whatever harshness I had to give. "Ayato?" I whispered, expecting no response. By now he was probably half way across the school, while I was no more than three feet inside. Finally I dropped my fears and followed Ayato's pursuit for the mysterious creature, still aware of the whispers given by the creature of my own. I could hear my footsteps rattling throughout the halls as I ran. I turned corner after corner, following the odd instinct that had sprouted from my experience thus far with the Corrupt, and Ayato. At this point, Ayato was the least of my concern, I knew he could handle himself. The thing that drove me forward, however, demanded my curiousity. The bow is what drove me, and I was more and more drawn to it with every step I took. I could see now, the answer was only logical: the girl was tempting me with my own bow. She wanted me to come. "Ayato!" I called, realizing the trap that had been set. I stopped in my tracks and searched the desolation of shadows that surrounded each corner of the halls. I was near the cafeteria, beyond that lying a large stairway leading to the top of the school. It was where the girl and I first held confrontation. Oddly, I was drawn to that point. The doors cracked open and creaked a lot more noticably than in school. I entered the large room of the cafeteria in slight curiousity, half expecting to see one of those creatures longe out at me at any moment. I followed the trail some of the tables made to the back exit, where Ayato and I first chased after the black-scarred girl. I could feel my anxiety increasing as I approached the exit. Was she waiting on the other side? Was something else there? It was too tempting, I gave in to impulse. With a heavy breath, I flung open the doors with tightly shut eyes and a sweat running as if training for the olympics. For a moment, I had almost believed this curious mind of mine. I had almost believed that something terrible would be staring me back when I opened those doors. There was nothing. With a relieving smile, I laughed at myself and turned to head the other way. The hall was much too dark, there was no way I'd go down there. That was when it happened. The largest crash I had ever heard, the most startling explosion produced straight from the darkness. I turned back to the horror and dove out of the way as wood, metal, and other debris flew into the bunches and scattered across the cafeteria. Ayato appeared among the masses and toppled with just as much boiyancy as the richotteing wood abound the table. "Ayato!" I yelled, as the beast with the complection of an abyss burst from atop the ceiling to continue its assualt. Yet my attention was drawn quickly from the mess to a figure dropping from the roof behind me. "Darkness plagues you kid. You wouldn't be here if it did not." I turned quickly to the glowing black scar and smiling face of sixteen year old girl that had appeared at my windowsill the night all this began. I stared at her in fear and my mind reeled through all the defensive manuevers that could be taken. I began to contemplate escape. "At least this time you're fully dressed~" I backed away as she approached with an almost animal like blood lust. I could see it in her eyes, feel it in her aura, she would rip me apart if I let her. Quickly I turned to Ayato. "Don't touch her!" The boy yelled, dipping and dodging from the consistent attacks made by the darkened creature nearly half his height. My fear only rose as I contemplated what he could mean. Why wouldn't I touch her? I had already touched her before, rather she touched me... Was her touch the cause of all this? "Don't be silly. He can touch me all he likes. Isn't that right, Ryoka~?" She knew my name. Before I knew it, her hand began carrassing my neck; she had covered the 10 foot distance between us in an instant. I felt that same sudden attraction as I did before, the desire to follow, the desire to be near her. I could feel myself flowing quickly from reality. She could kill me at any moment! Ayato stopped in his tracks, he yelled something that went lost to my ears, and he reached out as if to save me. Yet he was too late, he couldn't even save himself! The beast lunged a swift blow to Ayato's chest. He crashed through the available tables and chairs on the far right side of the cafeteria. Chairs flew and tables broke, but the beast flew through the explosion. It jumped amongst the debris like a squirrel gone wild-racing to meet Ayato in his collision and continue with a quick pace of excessive punches. I scrambled and watched in pain. Ayato was helpless! Here I was, watching from across the room, and I couldn't do a thing! I was [b]useless[/b]! I began to give in. With a sudden impulse, I just shut my eyes as my new desire leaned forward. She was smiling pleasantly-I could feel it. It was then a crash brought me from my trance. The creature of the abyss squealed in pain as it writhed through the air from the cafeteria window. "Hold on Ryoka!" Ayato yelled. With his opponent discarded, Ayato began his race across the cafeteria. I couldn't help but smile! Suddenly, I could feel the taunting grip of desire loosening on me; the girl was distracted. I flung myself out of her grip. I backed away in an awkward stumble as Ayato took his place next to me. The girl gave me a scowl-we both knew the situation. I had won! "Hah! We have you now! Give up!" Ayato expressed. Ayato's voice however, seemed to drown from my thoughts as her stare only grew colder. It was as if she was talking to me, attempting to lure me into attraction. A tactic that would never work, I only turned my head as my response. It was then red and blue lights began flashing from outside the window. More cars, police cars, began to circle the school like hungry hyena. Sirens blared and Ayato lost himself in his speech, staring out at what seemed like fireworks to him. Humans. I had forgotten all about them this night, dealing with the Tsurokai and the corrupt. What business did they have here? An illogical question, but a lot of those were forming during this period of time. I could tell my mind wasn't right, it was smudged, blurred, nearly corrupt. "Ryoka~ What's that?" I took Ayato by the shoulders and bent down to his height--my eyes darting back and forth between his eyes and the eyes of red and blue light. "I can't explain now, but I don't think we should--" I leapt up. I began frantically looking around, my eyes searching the debris of the cafeteria. She was gone. The girl we had subdued, one of the Corrupt! She had escaped, and she still had my bow and arrows! Quickly I sprung forward, recognizing footsteps from the shattered window of the lunch room. I jumped out after her, I knew it was her, it had to be! I fell through the air like a rock and landed with a stagger. My eyes were frantic, and the jump shook through me like an earth quake. The pain would have to wait. I'd need to push aside fear and thrive on anger! I began running in the direction I last saw. If I began now, I could catch her. I just knew I could! Though I was brought to an abrupt halt as an officer nearly tackled his arm into me. I could see her now, running, darting farther and farther away. But of course--the policeman couldn't see her. The cars were parked in the front, and we were off to the side--yet even still a bloody girl running through the school yard would be as plain as day. How could they not see her?! I already knew why... I was seen however, and a large voice exploded above me with words I couldn't understand. I could only think of the girl--and the bow she took with her. It felt as if she was stealing a piece of myself, taking my dignity. And I knew, logically, I'd never see her again! I yelled in frusteration! I began to wrestle frantically! Sweat fell from my face as I flung my head back and forth! Officers began showing up one by one. They were holding me down! Stopping me from catching one of the Corrupt! How could they be so dense! I had no time! I couldn't let them; I wouldn't let them! The girl hadn't escaped yet, she was injured, she wouldn't be able to outrun me, I just knew it. But it was happening. Soon my wrists were bound by metal braces. I screamed and I thrashed; my feet were off the ground as they held me. Yet the one thing, the one sound I could hear that would stop me in all my anger eased over the chaos. "Let me go! Y-you can't take that!" "Ayato!?" I screamed. My thrashing came to a halt. There he was in front of the school. He'd broken free of the officer's grip, stolen back a small piece of paper and hopped across their heads as if playing leap frog. My fear instantly rose. Logically, Ayato was an immediate threat. I mean, he was covered in blood! He had a bow and arrow hanging from his grip! And now he leapt about a crowd of officers like an escapped zoo animal! My worst fear however, rose above all else. Guns were being pointed at him by hostile and nervous officers. I clenched my teeth and forgot my own problems, and something escaped my throat that I had feared saying since the day I met him. --- The twisted blare of casting sirens pounded restlessly against the cool air under the night sky. The moon gave light that was lost to the red and blue glares of surrounding police cars. I took deep breaths in an attempt to calm my mind. Under the circumstances, staying calm was an impossibility! I was handcuffed and restrained to a mush of wet grass and murky water by state officers! I was surrounded! I could see Ayato above the small crowd, dodging and dipping police officers with as much grace an eleven year old boy could have. "...Ayato, run!" I finally cried. He took foot atop a small school statue, and peered my way. My eyes widened as he saw me. I had instantly known that things went bad: "Ryoka!" Ayato yelled. With a determined look of anxiety, Ayato drew his weapon. --- "Ayato, no!" I yelled. Officers yelled in the background. They were yelling for Ayato to drop his weapon. Now, I wanted to yell with them! I wanted to stop Ayato from getting himself killed! But how could I now?! How could I get Ayato to listen to me now?! There was nothing I could do! His mind was set... No matter what, he would try to save me. Tears began drowning my eyes. Ayato was an unreasonable kid. He knew nothing of our world, of our people! How could they kill him for that?! I could feel my fear growing with every moment! I shook under the strength of the officers restraining me. "Drop your weapon, now!" "We will fire if you don't drop your weapon!" "Put the bow down!" I looked about frantically. How could they expect Ayato to listen?! I could only force a last resort. Ayato wouldn't listen to me, the cops knew nothing of him. This was my only chance, so I yelled at the top of my lungs! "Don't shoot! He doesn't know what he's doing, please!" I thrased to get free. I fought as hard as I could, but my hands were bound, and my arms were yanked until they felt they would snap. The officers were holding me down-stopping me from saving my best friend! I begged even louder. I yelled as loud as I could! They were deaf to my words. And then I heard Ayato's arrow. I threw my head up in fear. My eyes forced themselves shut. Gun shots fired loudly over the surrounding sirens. I yelled with a voice that belonged to a stranger. I couldn't help myself! I couldn't think! All was lost. And then I heard the rain. Ayato was gone... ---Next |
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Author's Comments
Whew, very very very long break. But after reading this series I had going from start to the latest chapter, I've decided I just 'had' to keep it going. It's a great story and this should be a great chapter. Hopefully you'll notice how much I've progressed since chapter 1, and hopefully I've maintained the greatness of this story in this new update. ^^
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Comments
I assume that you wanted the latter and as such I know how to help you. The chapter here starts out well enough and it is only until "The doors cracked open and creaked a lot more noticably than in school. I entered the large room of the cafeteria in slight curiousity, half expecting to see one of those creatures longe out at me at any moment. I followed the trail some of the tables made to the back exit, where Ayato and I first chased after the black-scarred girl. I could feel my anxiety increasing as I approached the exit.
Was she waiting on the other side? Was something else there?
It was too tempting, I gave in to impulse." This section up until the girl says he can touch me needs to be choppier. Choppy statements speckled between slightly longer ones give the reader a sense of, in simple terms, "Shit is going down" which is what you want to foreshadow here. you especially need to make it choppier when Ryoka stabs her otherwise there is no connection to the reader why Ryoka stabs her. It's almost like at that point we go from pseudo-being Ryoka to "damn that kid is crazy!"
You did great with giving a haziness to the part where the cops show up but you fall short of conveying Ryoka's emotion by using long sentences. This is because Long sentences subconsciencely give the reader the sense that the narrator is in control of themselves because they can organize more complex sentences in their heads. The shorter ones convey a sense of Everything is happening too fast to think which is what you allude to towards the end in the final statements. Otherwise it is all good.
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I'm part of Project Reciprocation
~The Eighth Plain [link]
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